Mini Memorial

Last Saturday we had a mini memorial at Min Ser's plot. Reason being, his epitaph was finally ready. I'm really glad the epitaph turned out nicely. I personally designed it, so I really had high expectations for it to turn out as how I imagined, and it did!

It had to be simple yet quietly decorative, symbolic yet almost uncheesy. Min Ser likes sans serif fonts primarily Arial, so it had to use the original Helvetica which Arial was derived from...

So yeah, it couldn't be a template design. It had to be special. But that was also part of the reason for the delay, since it wasn't a routine epitaph. It was kind of forgotten at the production stage for a month, and now finally completed and ready.

The day started of wet and rainy, we waited at the car park shelter. Thankfully by the time everyone arrived, it stopped raining. We gathered at his plot, sang two worship songs, had a brief and meaningful message. Later we adjourned for lunch at a nearby restaurant.

We opened the invitation to a few relatives and close friends, and we were surprise that so many could turn up. We wish we could have invited more, but we only decided to do this the week before (when we were informed the epitaph was ready).

So thank you to those who took the time to be with us for this mini memorial and thank you to those who are still remembering us in their thoughts and prayers.

There are days when I still miss him so much and I will never be the same person as I was before Min Ser, but on the bright side, I like to think the slightly new me is not too bad either la.

I like to think I'm now a little tougher and more resilient. Hopefully less frazzled by life's disappointments. I mean, when you've gone through the worst times of your life, minor things just pale in comparison and become a non issue. Sigh... sometimes I feel I look so young, but my mind has aged a decade.

Though when all is said and done, ultimately, in all things, God has his purposes, and even if we do not see His reasons in this lifetime, it will definitely be revealed in the next.

September Update

Wow, it's already September! Ideally I would like to post an update once a week, but August really just flew by.

August saw us celebrating lil MJ's birthday, organized by some of our dear church friends with kids. So thankful for their effort in taking the time to organise the party and to celebrate with us! We had a really beautiful cake, absolutely scrumptious food, and lots of presents!

The lovely cake!

We also had a relaxing Merdeka weekend at my parent's home in an orchard. Surrounded by tranquility, fresh air, and trees. It was just a one night trip, but managed to rest much and had a nice time spent catching up with my uncle and aunt, and also different ones from my previous church (ie: my parent's church).

I've also officially signed lil MJ up for a good kindergarten next year close to our new place!

As for our new place, we have finally moved to PJ last week, 2nd Sep. In one trip the movers managed to take most of my stuff, especially the necessary bulky items. And today itself I've had the piano movers move my piano, so I would say the shift is complete. I've also pretty much unpacked all my items as well. So needless to say, the past week was really tiring and busy, but really glad to have finalized the move.

As for the Puchong place, I'll need to have some touch ups done before renting it out. Also need to focus on getting my Goodyear Court 10 apartment in USJ rented out as well to generate some added consistent cash flow.

In regards to church, I'll start serving again in the worship ministry. I'm scheduled to play the piano for this Sunday. I'm looking forward to it, but also just a tad nervous... guess I gotta get used to it again :) Hmmm... random thought, I need to find a green top/ outfit to wear (yes, we do have colors themes when we go on stage.)

First August Update

The days have just been flying by... meeting up with different people, going for meetings, trainings, just learning, absorbing. I've been busy learning more about housing loans and insurance, really so much to learn and it has been interesting thus far!

I've also been working on and updating my website and my property listings. Marketing the units I have on hand via property sites, and Facebook. Time really really flies, my last blog post for my website was in April, gosh! But then again, it was late April when Min Ser started being unwell again...

I've been slightly procrastinating on the packing. Arghh... really not looking forward to it. We only moved to our Puchong place Dec 2012, and already accumulated so much stuff. How, how does two adults accumulate so much 'barang' in less than 2 years. But I will will myself to pack up the necessaries and close eyes and donate whatever I have not used in ages. Hopefully by my next post I can say I have successfully started or almost finish packing! Yes, I will!

Jo and I were on a really nice holiday with a friend and her daughter, Singapore, 27-30 July. Tickets sponsored by said friend. Thank you! We stayed with friends, a lovely couple (thank you too!) who opened their beautiful sea view apartment to us mums and daughters.

We took the girls to the aquarium on Monday, and The Zoo the next day. The aquarium was super crowded as Monday was a public holiday (though we managed to find space with nice views of the sea creatures). The trip to the zoo was really nice and the weather was lovely. Cool and cloudy, and it rained just (literally) after we got into the car. We also enjoyed the pool, delicious meals, and time spent talking. Lil MJ was ok as she slept both ways throughout the flight (this is only her second time on a plane) and she seemed to enjoy herself, although she was a little homesick at night.

So yes, I've been keeping myself busy. And I think it's a good thing. I've read a book on grief by Kindah Greening, and I also downloaded this ebook, and am in the midst of reading it "From One Widow to another: Conversations on the new You" by Miriam Neff. Reading a book with the title widow feels strange, the very word feels so strange and foreign. I'm a widow? Huh?

When I last filled in a form under marital status, automatically I was going to tick 'Married' then I realised I had to choose between 'Widowed/divorced/separated' or 'Single'. Really not used to it yet. Who knows if I'll ever change my Facebook status. Oh well, a topic for another day.

That being said, I did send our wedding rings for replating. I felt the rings should be kept together but I want it to look all nice and new before safekeeping them. So yes, it felt really strange as well being 'ringless' but I'm getting used to it.

Basically, everyone handles grief differently. And it is not abnormal to feel 'bad' not feeling sad. I know I don't feel wrong laughing or being happy, because I do want to be happy. But I do realise I am much more contemplative when I am alone, and I do still miss Min Ser very much. So... in a nutshell. On any given day, I feel happy and excited and also nostalgic and sad, though the emotions do not sway too far from each other, and they are not too extreme.

Finally, I'm really touched by different ones who have been offering their hand of friendship and service. Praying for, and looking out for us. I really appreciate everyone of you. It really does help and I really do treasure the time spent with each one of you.

Lil MJ and friend in Singapore S.E.A Aquarium

Packing and Moving (soon)

I've decided on a condo unit to rent in PJ. It's a friend's place which they are not using at the moment as they are currently living out of the country. I target to move first week September (hopefully!) Reason being, there is quite a bit of work that needs to be done to the unit. And on my end, lots of packing to do.

Lil MJ will be attending a playgroup twice a week near our future home starting August, and I target to start her kindergarten years, Jan next year.

Last Wednesday, Sue Min, mum and dad, came over to help pack up Min Ser's clothes. The nice new ones were distributed amongst his cousins, and the older but wearable ones were passed on to the cleaners. Oh yes, they even brought (much needed) cleaners to help clean my house. 

They cleaned the fans, the grills, the bathrooms, etc. So happy to not have to clean for once. The cleaners were also very appreciative of the clothes and other items. It felt good giving Min Ser's clothes away. Even now his stuff is a blessing to others.

So I guess that's the plan. Move in September, rent out my place in Puchong, and settle in PJ. Sigh, so much change, so soon. Part of me wants things to remain the way they were and part of me really wants change now. The former is impossible now that Min Ser is no longer here. So the latter it has to be. I mean, what is the alternative to moving on and looking forward to my next stage of life? Wallowing in self pity and crying every day? Hmm... no thank you.

I also plan to focus and actively start work proper August onwards. So yeah, looks like I'll be pretty busy the next couple of months.

One Day At A Time

Many people do ask me "How are you?". Honestly, that is a very tough question to answer. It's almost akin to asking "Are you ok?" but in a lesser degree of awkwardness. I appreciate the concern indeed, but I really do not know how to answer that question. Nowadays, I'll probably just say "I'm taking it one day at time." Which is true.

I still miss Min Ser no doubt. There are triggers to the constant flow of memories. Places we've been, movies we've watched. Stuff we used to talk about.... 

Just yesterday I was at Ampang Hospital which never fails to make me feel sad or nostalgic. We actually spent the most accumulated time together at Ampang Hospital then we ever did in the past 3 years. Although he was tired most of the time, but we did spend time in the hospital talking, watching movies, playing games. Which was a nice break from the buzyness of life.

So I was at Ampang Hospital to collect an important form, and also to collect my 'abandoned' small rice cooker. In the midst of the packing, the rice cooker was 'neglected'. I only remembered it when I wanted to steam rice one week ago. This rice cooker was actually the first appliance Min Ser bought in Johor, before we were married. It has really been our first and only rice cooker since we were married. It's old, and kinda worn out, but it still works. :) I've visited the hospital once before, but I didn't realise it was left behind. This time, I remembered.

I went back to the ward we were last at. As I was exciting the pantry, the cleaner who used to clean the room we were at called out to me. She said, (in Bahasa) "Oh, you came back for it. I remembered you using it, and was wondering when you would pick it up." She then asked me how was everything. She didn't know what happened... I explained that Min Ser passed away. She asked when... "early this month." Later one of the nurses came over to say hi, and then the guard at the ward said "Oh, this is what you came back for"... so yups, I was talking to a few people while cradling the rice cooker.

After the hospital I settled some errands at the bank. And then I just felt like visiting the burial ground. I haven't been back since the day of burial, and since I was in a nostalgic mood. I wanted to see how the plot was now. So I bought a stalk of flowers and I drove there.

The plot was nice. Clean, the grass has grown back. His epitaph was not ready yet, so his plot was still marked by the cross. I've never been to any other burial grounds before, but I feel really felt peaceful there. I stuck his flowers in front of the cross. Sat under the tree, and it was breezy. I wish I could quietly reminisce more. But one of the worker was really chatty. He mentioned that he was so busy, and apologised for having yet prepared the cement slab for Min Ser's epitaph. He mentioned he remembered me from the burial day, and lil MJ too. He mentioned how there were quiet a few young people buried there as well. All in all, nice workers. Albeit a little too chatty.

I did walk around the different plots a little out of curiosity. The youngest I managed to notice was born in 1989. There was even ashes of a girl buried at 5 years old (from 1970-1975). On the contrary there was also an old lady who lived to a 100! 1914-2014. Amazing.

Truly life is in God's hands, and we will never know the length of our days. I would say I should live life to the fullest! Not to put off important matters, to treasure time with family and friends, and sometimes it's ok to spend a little more on nice clothes, shoes or a holiday! Yet, I also have to plan my finances in order to sustain me to live to a 100. Who knows right? I would say, all in all, to live a balanced life. But haha, that is harder said then done.

And then, of course, plan for the after life as well. On my part, I know where I'll be. I just have to ensure I don't do anything in my life that will derail me from this course.

Hmm... so yups, all in all yesterday was a very nostalgic day. A little sad, but it's ok. But on an up note, it was also my dad's birthday, so we had a nice dinner, and just enjoyed some family time. So maybe yesterday was a somewhat balanced day for me after all, which was good.

Moving Forward

It's strange moving forward in life without Min Ser. Ever since our wedding we had mapped out our lives together, considering each other in our personal plans, work, retirement planning, and such. Now it's just me (with God's guidance) having to make decisions on what's best for me and my daughter (on this blog I'll call her lil MJ for little Min Ser & Jen Ling). It's not going to be easy, but I thank God that we have a team of supporters ever willing to help. Parents, in laws, relatives and friends.

As of today I've settled all of the essential paperwork & finances that can be settled. Thankfully, Min Ser had a simple will, so I've seen a lawyer for a probate to be applied for within the next one or two weeks. The probate is essentially required for transfer of estate and assets and it will take at least 2 months to obtain. For added information, without a will, for non-muslims, if the deceased leaves behind spouse, children and parents. According to the Distribution Act 1958, all possession and assets will be divided accordingly. Spouse 25%, children 50% & parents 25%. Thus no assets or possessions can be transferred or disposed unless one or two party waive their rights to or consent to transfer/dispose of said asset.

Also to note, the original death certificate is needed by the court. So if you intend to retain the original, do go to JPN with the original certificate to get an original extract (RM5) to be submitted in.

Besides the paperwork, I'm also looking for a place to rent in PJ area (I'm looking at condos near DJ/SS2) as my in-laws stay in that area. They want to play an important part in lil MJ's life. And essentially, I'll need their help too. So yups, PJ makes sense. Ideally, she'll be able to start kindy in Sep but as of today, the one's we are keen on are full. So the earliest she'll probably be able to start is January 2015. In the meantime, will see if she can join some playgroups and hang out with friends to socialise and get used to other kids before starting kindy.

I'll also still be carrying on as a Real Estate Negotiator, and now I've coupled my services with Mortgage Consulting. Ie: I can now assist my clients in applying for home loans as well.

So yes, I've been busy, partly out of necessity because there are so many things that need to be done, and partly also to keep my mind busy. It really does help going about doing things, meeting people, and just carrying forward living life. That being said, nights are slightly tougher as my mind is more rested, and I have time to reflect and remember Min Ser. But I do manage to sleep well, and that I'm thankful for. Lil MJ is doing ok, she is happy most of the time. She still asks for daddy now and then, I'll usually answer, "Daddy is with Jesus" or "Daddy is with Jesus in Paradise." I know it is kinda abstract for a 2+ year old to understand, but in time she will.