Friday, 25 July 2014

One Day At A Time

Many people do ask me "How are you?". Honestly, that is a very tough question to answer. It's almost akin to asking "Are you ok?" but in a lesser degree of awkwardness. I appreciate the concern indeed, but I really do not know how to answer that question. Nowadays, I'll probably just say "I'm taking it one day at time." Which is true.

I still miss Min Ser no doubt. There are triggers to the constant flow of memories. Places we've been, movies we've watched. Stuff we used to talk about.... 

Just yesterday I was at Ampang Hospital which never fails to make me feel sad or nostalgic. We actually spent the most accumulated time together at Ampang Hospital then we ever did in the past 3 years. Although he was tired most of the time, but we did spend time in the hospital talking, watching movies, playing games. Which was a nice break from the buzyness of life.

So I was at Ampang Hospital to collect an important form, and also to collect my 'abandoned' small rice cooker. In the midst of the packing, the rice cooker was 'neglected'. I only remembered it when I wanted to steam rice one week ago. This rice cooker was actually the first appliance Min Ser bought in Johor, before we were married. It has really been our first and only rice cooker since we were married. It's old, and kinda worn out, but it still works. :) I've visited the hospital once before, but I didn't realise it was left behind. This time, I remembered.

I went back to the ward we were last at. As I was exciting the pantry, the cleaner who used to clean the room we were at called out to me. She said, (in Bahasa) "Oh, you came back for it. I remembered you using it, and was wondering when you would pick it up." She then asked me how was everything. She didn't know what happened... I explained that Min Ser passed away. She asked when... "early this month." Later one of the nurses came over to say hi, and then the guard at the ward said "Oh, this is what you came back for"... so yups, I was talking to a few people while cradling the rice cooker.

After the hospital I settled some errands at the bank. And then I just felt like visiting the burial ground. I haven't been back since the day of burial, and since I was in a nostalgic mood. I wanted to see how the plot was now. So I bought a stalk of flowers and I drove there.

The plot was nice. Clean, the grass has grown back. His epitaph was not ready yet, so his plot was still marked by the cross. I've never been to any other burial grounds before, but I feel really felt peaceful there. I stuck his flowers in front of the cross. Sat under the tree, and it was breezy. I wish I could quietly reminisce more. But one of the worker was really chatty. He mentioned that he was so busy, and apologised for having yet prepared the cement slab for Min Ser's epitaph. He mentioned he remembered me from the burial day, and lil MJ too. He mentioned how there were quiet a few young people buried there as well. All in all, nice workers. Albeit a little too chatty.

I did walk around the different plots a little out of curiosity. The youngest I managed to notice was born in 1989. There was even ashes of a girl buried at 5 years old (from 1970-1975). On the contrary there was also an old lady who lived to a 100! 1914-2014. Amazing.

Truly life is in God's hands, and we will never know the length of our days. I would say I should live life to the fullest! Not to put off important matters, to treasure time with family and friends, and sometimes it's ok to spend a little more on nice clothes, shoes or a holiday! Yet, I also have to plan my finances in order to sustain me to live to a 100. Who knows right? I would say, all in all, to live a balanced life. But haha, that is harder said then done.

And then, of course, plan for the after life as well. On my part, I know where I'll be. I just have to ensure I don't do anything in my life that will derail me from this course.

Hmm... so yups, all in all yesterday was a very nostalgic day. A little sad, but it's ok. But on an up note, it was also my dad's birthday, so we had a nice dinner, and just enjoyed some family time. So maybe yesterday was a somewhat balanced day for me after all, which was good.

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